New World Order - Jungle Edition
Xerxes- THE BARELY ADEQUATE
XERXES THE BARELY ADEQUATE
Xerxes likes sunsets, walks on the beach, and using mind-control spells on attractive women in the community. He hates bunnies, asparagus, and having his mind control spells broken, thus having to flee half-naked from the wrath of outraged females. He plans to some day rules the universe through AWESOME COSMIC POWER and have a harem of hot blonde high-elves (females of course, though sometimes it is hard to tell the difference..)
Xerxes ran away from his home at an early age, having heard tales of the capital city to the east, where the streets were paved with gold and hot women could be found on every corner, he made his way in that direction, living off the land, catch fish, eating berries, and stealing whatever he could find from barns and clotheslines.
After many perilous adventures (mainly escaping from the massive hounds most farmers kept as watch dogs), he arrived at the big city. He found to his grave disappointment that the streets were paved with cobblestones, not gold, and he couldn’t afford the hot women (or the good looking ones, the normal ones, and even some of the plain ones). Alas, his hopes dashed, he decided that he would show them. When he was ruler of the universe, they would be begging to be a footstool. HAHAHAHAHA…
Lacking the prerequisite muscle mass to wield large metal objects and not really attracted to the lifestyle requirements of the priesthood, he decided that he would seek AWESOME COSMIC POWER through arcane scholarship ie becoming a mage. Originally, he lacked the personal connections and/or wealth necessary to gain the attention of the mage’s guild, but through luck, perseverance, and a strange set of circumstances involving a rogue animated rope, two frogs, a crystal ball, and the Arch Mage’s bunny slippers, he was able to secure a spot in the Voltera School of Arcane Magic. After years of study (including many hours of remedial reading and writing), he gained an understanding of arcane lore that was unmatched! (by anyone who was not a mage.)
Desiring to separate himself from the hordes (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration) of mages with self-agrandizing titles, he became XERXES THE BARELY ADEQUATE. And thus the greatest mage ever to live (or so he hoped) started his adventuring career.